"I Am Looking

I was invited by a pastor in California to help him build faith in their church. It was a great opportunity for me to share in my own simple way the love of God. I shared the experiences I had with God, which I believe is one way of building faith, since faith comes from hearing and hearing the word of God.

I stayed in the pastor's house. His wife is close to me since she was my outreach in Manila and I was a sponsor at their wedding. We prayed and read the bible every night. We sought God's guidance to be able to understand God's message for us each day. Each day we prayed, I felt good and I thought I was pleasing God in all my actions. Until one day, when the pastor and his wife left the house, I was moved to clean their house.

I did my best and I encountered a very heavy table that I could hardly move. I made every effort to move it, until finally I was able to. When I looked behind it, it was full of dust and cobwebs. In my mind, i decided that there was no need to clean it since they obviously never touched it anyway and would not notice. I tried to push it back into place,but I could hardly move it. I began to regret moving it in the first place. I rested for a moment and then tried again: in my mind, I said,"anyway they will never notice that this place is dirty".

I heard a small voice telling me, "What is it that they will not notice?" I answered, "this corner". Then the Lord said to me, "Just do it my child, I Am looking". My conscience was talking to me my God dwelling within me. I felt guilty and I cleaned it thoroughly. And I said, "is this good enough for you, Lord?"

I came to understand that there is nothing that we can hide from God, not even the smallest detail. He is there watching us, He knows what is in the deepest core of our minds and hearts. Where can we hide from Him?

I hid from God for so many years, but He always found me. Now that I have said yes to Him, I might as well obey Him in the smallest details; although I can not do it on my own, I still need Him to give me the strength to please Him.

I prayed, "Lord, give me the strength to obey you in the simplest details, so that I may please you"

It does not really matter....

I was invited to give a talk to a group of lay ministers in one of the churches in Manila. I looked at them and they were the people who were so involved in their service to the church. In my heart, I felt inadequate to give a talk to these people who are so decent and holy.

I was thinking when I was in front of them what to share with them. What would be the subject most fitting to the group? They were always having their retreats and recollections regularly with high ranking priests. And in my silence, I prayed that God would give me the wisdom to speak the appropriate topic that would enhance their faith in God. So instead of me giving a talk, I asked each one just one question and told them to answer it with all honesty.

The question was this, "what moved you to decide to serve the Lord as lay ministers?" Each one of them stood up and told his story. There were about forty gentlemen. And there were lots of reasons; like, one said, his wife was serving and he was just waiting outside the church, so instead of waiting, he might as well join her serve in the church.

Others said, they had nothing to do, others said, they were invited by friends and they could not say no. Others said, they were already retired and they were not use to staying at home. Some said, there was nothing to lose since it was only once or twice a week. I waited for someone to say that he serves because he loves the Lord, or maybe, he wants to show his gratitude. But I never heard any of those reasons.

I asked them as to how long have been serving in the church. I learned that most of them were serving for quite a long time already, for years and they were still there, truly dedicated and giving most of their time in service for the Lord. They have already forgotten as to how they started. Service is no longer a pastime for them, they are taking seriously the challenge of serving God with all their hearts. Then I came to understand that, it really does not matter how we are called. What matters is we said Yes to His calling and He will do the rest. And without them knowing it, they reached the point at which they were enjoying serving the Lord with enthusiasm, focus and passion.

At the end of the talk, I thanked God for giving them the opportunity and privilege to serve Him. Though these people were reluctant to serve at the beginning, He turned their hearts to serve with joy and enthusiasm.

Truly, it really does not matter how we are called, we just have to say Yes to God.

I Thought......

When I was young, I thought that I just need to have good grades just to please my parents. When I grew a little bit older, when I was in college, I thought I just have to finish it to get rid of going to school and doing a lot of assignments.

When I got out of college, I thought I just need to have a job since that is the only reason I thought I had to go to college. When I was working, I thought I had the freedom to do what I want since I could support my needs.

When I got married, I thought my freedom was curtailed because of so many adjustments, like, my husband must know my schedules, I had to attend to the house needs, attend to the needs of my husband and at the same time attend to my own needs since I was still working in an office.

When I was about to give birth to my first child, I thought that I can never, never be a good mother, I felt that I was irresponsible, not caring and very unconcerned. I talked to my doctor and asked him to take care of my child until she reaches the age of one. Maybe by that time, my mind and heart would already be settled to take the responsibility of being a mother.

When I gave birth to a baby girl, I thought that this child robbed me of my freedom, my dreams and may be the success that I was aspiring for. My heart was so weary that I did not want to see her nor did I want anybody to tell me about her. I felt so depressed in the hospital room.
I started saying goodbye to my dreams, my wishes, my plans and my aspirations.

The time came for me to leave the hospital and still I had not seen my baby. My family was there but they were all silent. I closed my eyes, I could not look at them, I felt so useless and uncomfortable. I fell asleep awaiting my husband to take me home. I was awakened by a soft, warm little body placed on top of me. With fear in my heart, I touched this little baby, I felt my body shaking and my heart trembling. But with amazement, it was not fear, it was joy! I called the doctor and told her, that we were going home. It was a great relief for them and they rejoiced with me.

I thought that everything was over for me. That is what I thought. No, everything is alright. I dream more, I work more, and I pray more. Giving birth was not the end of my dreams, it was the start of my dreams and I have to work to reach my dreams, all dedicated to the little angel God gave me.

When all my three children grew up, I thought I was done. No, it is not over, I have six grandchildren who are making me continue my dreams, my wishes, my aspirations.
There is only one thing I know, God gave them to me so I may be able to continue dreaming. And in pursuing my dreams, I felt heaven is here on earth, for God gave me the opportunity and privilege to serve Him through them.

Imagine, I dwelt in what I thought for a long time and that what I thought made me live a life that was full of uncertainty and apprehensions. Facing the reality and the truth is our true freedom that would lead us to live life to the fullest. Now, I understand the true meaning of life, to live not for oneself but for others with God. Then you would have fulfilled the law of love. God bless